Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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