I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
