My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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