I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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