ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
