The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
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She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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