Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
