I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
