I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
