I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
