I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
