I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
