Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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