apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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