I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
