so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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