you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
