Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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