He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
