Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
