You made me cry and you don't even care
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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