i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
