Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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