I wish I could punch you in the face.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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