I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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