thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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