we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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