Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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