I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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