You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
