You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
