i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
