You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
