party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
