I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
