I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
