trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
