you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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