You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
