I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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