nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
