He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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