none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
