I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
