I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
