Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
