I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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