weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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