i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
