i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the condom got lost in my hair
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
