so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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