kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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