I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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