Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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