Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
