I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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