My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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