just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
