I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
