im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
