I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
