My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
