then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
