I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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