Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
