Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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