Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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