I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
