you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
