listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
