My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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