dude i'm inner monologue high
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
