That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
