I'm drive I can fine osifer
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
