I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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