Need sex. Gaining weight.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
