i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
