Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
